Friday, April 07, 2006
Hey
Monday, April 03, 2006
Comedy Geeks Cum in Their Collective Pants
On my way to the deli this morning, something that felt like birdshit splattered on my shoulder.
A swarthy, but good-natured, vagabond told me that was not birdshit, but comedy geek jizz.
"Comedy geek jizz?"
"Yeah, see, The Simpsons Movie trailer is all over the web. 'The Sound of Young America' had the pilot of 'Lookwell,' which starred Adam West and was written by Robert Smigel and Conan O'Brien. The second season of 'Andy Milonakis' and 'Wonder Showzen' began on Friday while 'The Post Show' ended its second season with guest star Chelsea Perreti."
As soon as I heard Adam West's name, I came in the vagabond's face.
He was nonplussed - before we knew it, we were caught in a torrential downpour of comedy geek vomit and tears.
He explained: " 'Narnia' man does shit flick."
A swarthy, but good-natured, vagabond told me that was not birdshit, but comedy geek jizz.
"Comedy geek jizz?"
"Yeah, see, The Simpsons Movie trailer is all over the web. 'The Sound of Young America' had the pilot of 'Lookwell,' which starred Adam West and was written by Robert Smigel and Conan O'Brien. The second season of 'Andy Milonakis' and 'Wonder Showzen' began on Friday while 'The Post Show' ended its second season with guest star Chelsea Perreti."
As soon as I heard Adam West's name, I came in the vagabond's face.
He was nonplussed - before we knew it, we were caught in a torrential downpour of comedy geek vomit and tears.
He explained: " 'Narnia' man does shit flick."
Friday, March 17, 2006
Wish You Were At SXSW
I've been busy at SXSW doing my critically acclaimed comedy. That's why I haven't been posting lately. If you are not at SXSW, then you are a loser. Wonder why Brooklyn Vegan and Aziz have not put up anything new lately? The blogosphere stops for SXSW like network TV stops for a Presidential speech.
Also I've been spreading that "Snakes on Planes" meme.
Oh and last week I was at the Aspen Comedy Festival. Aziz Ansari's win was a bigger upset than "Crash" at the Oscars. I was expected to win. Maybe next year.
My Arab-American Idol sketch is a huge viral video (must have FakePlayer to view clip).
Tonight I'll be somewhere in NYC enjoying St. Patrick's ...
OK you caught me. I'm not at SXSW. And I have not been spreading the "Snakes" meme.
And I was not ... you get the pattern right?
But I sincerely wish you were at SXSW. I would say Happy St. Patrick's Day, but there is no such thing unless you are at SXSW.
Also I've been spreading that "Snakes on Planes" meme.
Oh and last week I was at the Aspen Comedy Festival. Aziz Ansari's win was a bigger upset than "Crash" at the Oscars. I was expected to win. Maybe next year.
My Arab-American Idol sketch is a huge viral video (must have FakePlayer to view clip).
Tonight I'll be somewhere in NYC enjoying St. Patrick's ...
OK you caught me. I'm not at SXSW. And I have not been spreading the "Snakes" meme.
And I was not ... you get the pattern right?
But I sincerely wish you were at SXSW. I would say Happy St. Patrick's Day, but there is no such thing unless you are at SXSW.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Open Letter to Sharon Stone
Dear Ms. Stone,
I read about your offer to kiss anybody for the sake of peace in the Middle East. I should be on the top of that list.
You want to appease the Arabs? Well I am an Arab-American (Egyptian, you know, like in the Brendan Fraser film "The Mummy" with the now-Oscar winning Rachel Weisz). If any pop culture event will appease the Arabs, it will be one of their kind kissing a Hollwood actress. When Sayeed got with Shannon on "Lost," there was a brief lull in the Middle East. After Shannon died, tensions escalated. So don't die.
You might say "Don't the Arabs disapprove of kissing a woman in public?" Well, yes. But I can tell them I will never kiss another woman again simply for the fact that no other woman will ever want to kiss me anyway.
OK, so I didn't see "Basic Instinct," "Sliver" or "Gloria." But I didn't make fun of them either. Suffice it to say, I did see "The Muse." Guess who didn't say it was one of Albert Brooks's minor pictures (by the way, I will kiss Albert Brooks's curls for peace in the Middle East).
How will this play with the Likud though? Good question -- I'm surprised you've heard of the Likud. Will Sharon piss Mr. Sharon off if she kisses me? He's already had a stroke. Hasn't he suffered enough?
The answer: kiss my Jewish friend, RG Daniels. He hosts the open mic I go to on Monday. I want him to be my manager, but I don't want to pay him. If I get you to kiss him, he will be eternally indebted to me.
So please kiss us both? What? No? It was just a hoax?
Fine, I really wanted to kiss Amy Poehler dressed up as you anyway.
Peace (hopefully, if you kiss me),
Mo!
UPDATE: Thank you, Best Week Ever and Alex Blagg for linking to me!
I read about your offer to kiss anybody for the sake of peace in the Middle East. I should be on the top of that list.
You want to appease the Arabs? Well I am an Arab-American (Egyptian, you know, like in the Brendan Fraser film "The Mummy" with the now-Oscar winning Rachel Weisz). If any pop culture event will appease the Arabs, it will be one of their kind kissing a Hollwood actress. When Sayeed got with Shannon on "Lost," there was a brief lull in the Middle East. After Shannon died, tensions escalated. So don't die.
You might say "Don't the Arabs disapprove of kissing a woman in public?" Well, yes. But I can tell them I will never kiss another woman again simply for the fact that no other woman will ever want to kiss me anyway.
OK, so I didn't see "Basic Instinct," "Sliver" or "Gloria." But I didn't make fun of them either. Suffice it to say, I did see "The Muse." Guess who didn't say it was one of Albert Brooks's minor pictures (by the way, I will kiss Albert Brooks's curls for peace in the Middle East).
How will this play with the Likud though? Good question -- I'm surprised you've heard of the Likud. Will Sharon piss Mr. Sharon off if she kisses me? He's already had a stroke. Hasn't he suffered enough?
The answer: kiss my Jewish friend, RG Daniels. He hosts the open mic I go to on Monday. I want him to be my manager, but I don't want to pay him. If I get you to kiss him, he will be eternally indebted to me.
So please kiss us both? What? No? It was just a hoax?
Fine, I really wanted to kiss Amy Poehler dressed up as you anyway.
Peace (hopefully, if you kiss me),
Mo!
UPDATE: Thank you, Best Week Ever and Alex Blagg for linking to me!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Kidz Bop Watch
See, that's what I like about the web. It allows for conversation. Brooklyn Vegan linked to my post (thanks, Mr. Vegan) of how Kidz Bop beat out the Arctic Monkeys. Well, now I must link to him because he linked to these articles and pointed out how big this Kidz Bop crap is.
Love the NY times article. Here are some choice quotes:
The lack of stars also keeps costs down, because the child singers, who change with each album, are hardly in a position to ask for more money
Record stores hope that the desire for a physical product rubs off on young people.
"It's useful that they are holding in their hands something tangible," Mr. Balsam of Razor and Tie said. "It's connecting kids to music as something you buy."
Yeah, just blatantly admit to exploiting kids as laborers and consumers.
First I was mad at the industry. Now I'm mad at the kids. Same article:
On March 14, the company will release a CD and accompanying DVD of children singing songs by the new wave group Devo called, "Devo 2.0: Q: Are We Not Kids? A: We Are Devo." (The band was involved with the project and plays on the album.)
You litte tykes can sing Gwen Stefani and Weezer all you want, but get
your grubby fingers off of Devo!I think I've had enough. I'm going to retaliate by singing adult versions of children's songs. Why? Because.
Here's my adult version of the alphabet song
I can't do it. Now I've got the alphabet song in my head. Children's songs and covers
of children's songs by adults are annoying.
Love the NY times article. Here are some choice quotes:
The lack of stars also keeps costs down, because the child singers, who change with each album, are hardly in a position to ask for more money
Record stores hope that the desire for a physical product rubs off on young people.
"It's useful that they are holding in their hands something tangible," Mr. Balsam of Razor and Tie said. "It's connecting kids to music as something you buy."
Yeah, just blatantly admit to exploiting kids as laborers and consumers.
First I was mad at the industry. Now I'm mad at the kids. Same article:
On March 14, the company will release a CD and accompanying DVD of children singing songs by the new wave group Devo called, "Devo 2.0: Q: Are We Not Kids? A: We Are Devo." (The band was involved with the project and plays on the album.)
You litte tykes can sing Gwen Stefani and Weezer all you want, but get
your grubby fingers off of Devo!I think I've had enough. I'm going to retaliate by singing adult versions of children's songs. Why? Because.
Here's my adult version of the alphabet song
I can't do it. Now I've got the alphabet song in my head. Children's songs and covers
of children's songs by adults are annoying.
Giddy Indie-Girl Watch
Remember that Pixies "Hey" trend? Cheerleaders potentially dancing to "Satellite" from Lou Reed? Found this great clip of a cute girl dancing to Iggy Pop's "Passenger." Maybe I will somersault onto the chuck wagon myself and dress up like a girl dancing to Neutral Milk Hotel.
via Gothamist
via Gothamist
Monday, March 06, 2006
Hot/Not
Hot: Three Six Mafia "Hard Out Here For a Pimp" jokes
Not: Brokeback Mountain jokes
It's hard out here for a pimp. Pimp joke writers, however, your time has come.
Not: Brokeback Mountain jokes
It's hard out here for a pimp. Pimp joke writers, however, your time has come.
This is Goldfrapp
The title was an awful pun on "This is Spinal Tap."
Much as we laugh at decadent, moronic hair metal bands that were like Spinal Tap in real life (Motley Crue, Ratt), consider Alison Goldfrapp's recent description of life on the bus with the band during a Q&A for BlackBook magazine.
Alison Goldfrapp: It's quiet weird because I've just been on tour and the entire band spent all their time on their laptops, none of them talking to each other.
Not such a big deal that they spend their time on laptops. But not talking to each other? The office is crazier than the life of an indie band! At least people yell "Dude, check this out" over the cubicle walls at the office and send each other viral videos of Saturday Night Live rap videos. Although I think this blog post will create an equally humdrum response in the office and on the tour bus.
Much as we laugh at decadent, moronic hair metal bands that were like Spinal Tap in real life (Motley Crue, Ratt), consider Alison Goldfrapp's recent description of life on the bus with the band during a Q&A for BlackBook magazine.
Alison Goldfrapp: It's quiet weird because I've just been on tour and the entire band spent all their time on their laptops, none of them talking to each other.
Not such a big deal that they spend their time on laptops. But not talking to each other? The office is crazier than the life of an indie band! At least people yell "Dude, check this out" over the cubicle walls at the office and send each other viral videos of Saturday Night Live rap videos. Although I think this blog post will create an equally humdrum response in the office and on the tour bus.
Looking Harder For Comedy in the Muslim World
Guess which producer/director/comic made the following comment during an interview for The Believer?
BLVR: So in those cases, you think that satire is pretty much pointless?
HR: I think it’s a luxury of literate middle-class people. The one thing I noticed from the documentary, when he was in the Jenin camp, there was incredible widespread poverty all around him. I mentioned this to somebody from Israel, and I asked him, “What’s the unemployment rate in the occupied territory in Gaza?” He said, “Oh, about 80 percent.” And I said, “Well, what about Israel?” And they said, “Oh, it’s high right now. It’s about 12 percent.” So if you look beyond the religious fundamentalism, from a Marxist point of view, a lot of economic and class issues are driving these struggles. People who are well fed and relatively secure in their beds can laugh at their troubles. They can enjoy sitcoms. For those who aren’t quite so lucky, well, the irony might be lost on them.
Harold Ramis! Yes, "Caddyshack" Harold Ramis. Yes, "Stripes" Harold Ramis. Yes, "Ghostbusters" Harold Ramis. Though I am not surprised that Harold Ramis is in touch with world issues or that he has a more nuanced understanding of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, I am floored by the fact that he changed my mind on the significance of satire and its ability to affect anything akin to social change.
More here
BLVR: So in those cases, you think that satire is pretty much pointless?
HR: I think it’s a luxury of literate middle-class people. The one thing I noticed from the documentary, when he was in the Jenin camp, there was incredible widespread poverty all around him. I mentioned this to somebody from Israel, and I asked him, “What’s the unemployment rate in the occupied territory in Gaza?” He said, “Oh, about 80 percent.” And I said, “Well, what about Israel?” And they said, “Oh, it’s high right now. It’s about 12 percent.” So if you look beyond the religious fundamentalism, from a Marxist point of view, a lot of economic and class issues are driving these struggles. People who are well fed and relatively secure in their beds can laugh at their troubles. They can enjoy sitcoms. For those who aren’t quite so lucky, well, the irony might be lost on them.
Harold Ramis! Yes, "Caddyshack" Harold Ramis. Yes, "Stripes" Harold Ramis. Yes, "Ghostbusters" Harold Ramis. Though I am not surprised that Harold Ramis is in touch with world issues or that he has a more nuanced understanding of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, I am floored by the fact that he changed my mind on the significance of satire and its ability to affect anything akin to social change.
More here
Oscars: The Epitomy of Middlebrow
If you don't know what middlebrow means, watch the Oscars.
The humor, first of all, is middlebrow. Jon Stewart shied away from jokes of himself starring in "Half-Baked" (lowbrow humor) and introduced middlebrow campaign ads for the actors and actresses.
Remember all those "Brokeback Mountain" jokes? They were very lowbrow. So when the Academy considered it, they could not ignore their lexical knowledge of billions upon billions of lowbrow gay cowboy jokes.
"Crash?" A middlebrow movie that no hacks made fun of. A movie that is not so highbrow that it leaves the moral questions open for the viewer to answer ("A History of Violence"). A movie that does not make the nation talk about sexual taboos ("Brokeback Mountain"). A movie that does not wade waist-deep in the morass of political corruption, even if it happened fifty years ago ("Good Night and Good Luck").
No, AMPAS prefers a movie that has a message ("racism is bad"). A movie that doesn't point any fingers (unless you think calling out racist cops is as close to revolutionary agit-prop cinema as you can get).
The Oscars will never honor formalist innovation, moral ambiguity, surreal comedy, or
true controversy.
Worse for me, I can't make jokes about "Crash" at tonight's open mike, which is why I'm not going. There's nothing funny about "Crash."
The humor, first of all, is middlebrow. Jon Stewart shied away from jokes of himself starring in "Half-Baked" (lowbrow humor) and introduced middlebrow campaign ads for the actors and actresses.
Remember all those "Brokeback Mountain" jokes? They were very lowbrow. So when the Academy considered it, they could not ignore their lexical knowledge of billions upon billions of lowbrow gay cowboy jokes.
"Crash?" A middlebrow movie that no hacks made fun of. A movie that is not so highbrow that it leaves the moral questions open for the viewer to answer ("A History of Violence"). A movie that does not make the nation talk about sexual taboos ("Brokeback Mountain"). A movie that does not wade waist-deep in the morass of political corruption, even if it happened fifty years ago ("Good Night and Good Luck").
No, AMPAS prefers a movie that has a message ("racism is bad"). A movie that doesn't point any fingers (unless you think calling out racist cops is as close to revolutionary agit-prop cinema as you can get).
The Oscars will never honor formalist innovation, moral ambiguity, surreal comedy, or
true controversy.
Worse for me, I can't make jokes about "Crash" at tonight's open mike, which is why I'm not going. There's nothing funny about "Crash."
Friday, March 03, 2006
Billbored
Arctic Monkeys' album Whatever,..., debuted on the Billboard 200 at #24. Here are the rock albums that beat out Whatever,...,:
#17: Nickelback All the Right Reasons
#5: James Blunt Back to Bedlam
#3: Jack Johnson Curious George (Soundtrack)
So the album-buying public prefers Canadian pseudo-grunge, bland adult contemporary and children's songs from a surfer.
Speaking of children's songs, here's a trend I noticed on Billboard: regression! Forget the death (or dearth) of rock on the Billboard 200. Adult songs are passe'.
What beat out the Curious George soundtrack?
Kidz Bop 9 and the High School Musical soundtrack from Walt Disney records!
See, if the Arctic Monkeys had only called themselves something more appealing to children like the Chocolate Monkeys, the Feel-Good Summer Blockbuster Monkeys or the Curious Little Monkeys, there would have been a veritable post-punk British Invasion.
Hopefully, Yeah Yeah Yeahs won't have to change their name to Yo-Yos to break the top 10 on the Billboard 200.
Update: Just got linked to on Brooklyn Vegan! Awesome!
#17: Nickelback All the Right Reasons
#5: James Blunt Back to Bedlam
#3: Jack Johnson Curious George (Soundtrack)
So the album-buying public prefers Canadian pseudo-grunge, bland adult contemporary and children's songs from a surfer.
Speaking of children's songs, here's a trend I noticed on Billboard: regression! Forget the death (or dearth) of rock on the Billboard 200. Adult songs are passe'.
What beat out the Curious George soundtrack?
Kidz Bop 9 and the High School Musical soundtrack from Walt Disney records!
See, if the Arctic Monkeys had only called themselves something more appealing to children like the Chocolate Monkeys, the Feel-Good Summer Blockbuster Monkeys or the Curious Little Monkeys, there would have been a veritable post-punk British Invasion.
Hopefully, Yeah Yeah Yeahs won't have to change their name to Yo-Yos to break the top 10 on the Billboard 200.
Update: Just got linked to on Brooklyn Vegan! Awesome!
