Friday, January 27, 2006
The Diametrical Opposite of Brokeback Mountain
I used to play a game in my head (which is technically different from "mind games"). The game never had a name. I would just come up with films with titles and plots that were the opposite of the current blockbusters.
Old Example
Original: "Good Will Hunting"
Opposite: 'Bad Fate Fleeing'
'Bad Fate Fleeing' (opposite films only get two quote marks, as opposed to the standard four quote marks for a real film) was about a rich guy whose dad got him a job at some huge company. He voluntarily calls an uninterested psychiatrist in the middle of the night to tell him how smart he is. The psychiatrist says one line ("I can't go back to sleep now. It's your fault!") and hangs up. The guy still thinks he's smart until a girl rejects him at a bar -- then he realizes how stupid he is and farts.
Let's try this with "Brokeback Mountain":
Title: 'Fixedfront Hole-in-the-Ground
Plot:
A Native American gay man and a Native American gay woman -- Manny and Carol -- meet at MisShapes. They realize they are straight and kiss in front of everyone. Cobrasnake takes a snapshot of their kiss and puts it on his website. Manny and Carol want everyone to see this pic, so they e-mail it to every blog on the planet (except Gawker, because they are now too homophobic to do so). Their respective gay friends are mad, but they don't care. After a few nights of meaningless sex, they break up via e-mail postcards and lead separate sex lives with heterosexual strangers in the city.
Status: After making its debut in theaters everywhere, it is out of theaters in a week. Poor box office and poor reviews bring it to the attention of the Razzies, who nominate it for worst picture. Any stand-up comic that tries to tell a 'Fixedfront' joke is greeted with blank stares and the comedian is officialy banned from any and all open mikes in the state of New York.
Old Example
Original: "Good Will Hunting"
Opposite: 'Bad Fate Fleeing'
'Bad Fate Fleeing' (opposite films only get two quote marks, as opposed to the standard four quote marks for a real film) was about a rich guy whose dad got him a job at some huge company. He voluntarily calls an uninterested psychiatrist in the middle of the night to tell him how smart he is. The psychiatrist says one line ("I can't go back to sleep now. It's your fault!") and hangs up. The guy still thinks he's smart until a girl rejects him at a bar -- then he realizes how stupid he is and farts.
Let's try this with "Brokeback Mountain":
Title: 'Fixedfront Hole-in-the-Ground
Plot:
A Native American gay man and a Native American gay woman -- Manny and Carol -- meet at MisShapes. They realize they are straight and kiss in front of everyone. Cobrasnake takes a snapshot of their kiss and puts it on his website. Manny and Carol want everyone to see this pic, so they e-mail it to every blog on the planet (except Gawker, because they are now too homophobic to do so). Their respective gay friends are mad, but they don't care. After a few nights of meaningless sex, they break up via e-mail postcards and lead separate sex lives with heterosexual strangers in the city.
Status: After making its debut in theaters everywhere, it is out of theaters in a week. Poor box office and poor reviews bring it to the attention of the Razzies, who nominate it for worst picture. Any stand-up comic that tries to tell a 'Fixedfront' joke is greeted with blank stares and the comedian is officialy banned from any and all open mikes in the state of New York.
# posted by Mo Diggs : 1:10 AM
