Mo!

It's me, TV. Remember me? No. You've been on the web looking at woodchucks, reading about a black guy's average-sized penis or buying books recommended by Osama. Maybe you don't like my book recommendations -- the last time someone on me recommended a book, you felt cheated. But joining Osama's club? That's overcompensating, man.

You could watch an hour and a half of funny stuff with me, but you prefer a quickie with the web.

I think it's obvious I have to use the one weapon the web doesn't have on me: nostalgia!

Remember when:

* you bought the home version of Operation Wolf for Nintendo? You didn't play that on the PC did you? Yes, PC games still suck!

* Arnold and Dudley were trapped in the bike shop?

* porn was good? The web has ruined porn!

* Weird Al Yankovich made a movie called UHF? You wouldn't get the title of that movie if you did not own a TV!


I get it though: you want to be on Blogebrity. Guess what? No one -- and I mean no one -- will read your blog unless you've been on Best Week Ever!

So why am I writing on this jerk's blog? I'm talking to you Mo!! No one else reads your blog. The few hapless fucktards who do are REALLY wasting their time.

Except for now of course.

Look, I'm sorry for Skating with the Stars. I'm sorry for Bush press conferences.

Is this about Arrested Development? Look, Arrested Development was like a member of the Bluth family. It made no money on its own and constantly mooched more money than it made.

OK. I guess I got you mad.

Well, if I got you mad, let me get the last word in:

People who use computers are nerds.
You are on the computer now.
Do the math, nerd!